i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
