Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
