I'm eating all of the evidence.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
