You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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