Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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