guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
