Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
