Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
