So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
