Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
