As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
