I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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