his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
