I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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