I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
