i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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