so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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