The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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