Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
sarcasm needs its own font
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
