Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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