Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
