It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
