yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
