And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
