he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize