it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
