Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize