Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
