there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
