Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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