I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
