All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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