I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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