I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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