If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
