i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
