Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
