I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
