That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
