Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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