You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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