Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
