Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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