A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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