My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
