i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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