My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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