In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
