he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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