How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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