she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
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