he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
