My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize