I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
