I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
