You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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