apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
