Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
