i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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