so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
