well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Who wears a wallet chain?!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
