he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
