if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
