you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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