she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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