You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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