discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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