1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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