I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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