hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
