Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
