Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
