My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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